Isolation- Loneliness and How to Overcome It - Four Directions Wellness

Isolation: Loneliness and How to Overcome It

Humans are social creatures. There’s no question about it. From our earliest days, as hunter-gatherers out in the wild, we survived and thrived as a species because we cooperated with one another. This cooperation has become so ingrained our beings, that separation from others can be intensely harmful.

In this week’s article, I’d like to delve into the root of isolation, and the loneliness and other psychological and physical harms it can do, and then provide two broad-based strategies for overcoming isolation.

Why Isolation Hurts Us

When you hear isolation today, you might think of a quarantined patient in a hospital ward with some kind of aggressive infection or virus. He or she is isolated for the protection of others. Naturally, while this isn’t great for the patient, it’s sometimes imperative for the health of the broader community. No one wants an outbreak, epidemic, or worse, pandemic because of such a case.

But, in reality, there is also a growing malady of isolating oneself from the world. This has been studied now for only about the last 50 years in the scientific research of loneliness. And, it’s this dis-ease that affects us all from time to time, and has mental, emotional and physical health consequences.

Psychobiologists (the new breed of scientists leading the research in isolation and loneliness studies) have found, that loneliness can reshape your hormonal signals and several other biological systems in your body and brain. It has gone from simply feelings to a true health risk. In the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), they recently highlighted a presentation by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, professor of psychology at Brigham Young University, at the American Psychological Association, about a meta-analysis she conducted of 148 studies covering about 300,000 participants. What did she conclude? Your risk of dying is double if you don’t have strong social connections.

So, we know that isolation breeds loneliness and other health risks, and it’s because it not only makes us feel bad, it manipulates our brains, bodies and behaviors in ways that make us at high risk of mortality. So, here’s what to do about it–a two-pronged approach to dealing with

Overcoming Loneliness and Isolation

Living in suburban and urban communities, especially in the Washington DC metropolitan area, you think there are so many places to go and things to do (as we discussed in this recent post) that you’d never feel isolated. However, the reality is, that even in these densely populated environments, isolation can set in.

First, technology today has the power to connect us like never before, but it paradoxically seems to be making our suburban and urban lives more distanced.

Next, with high density populations comes traffic, seeing people you may not want to, taking public transit that may have delays, indecision from too many choices of what to do or where to go, and so on. There are a variety of reasons that, by themselves aren’t all that bad, but combined create enough to stay secluded in your home.

So, what’s a suburban or urban dweller to do?

On the one hand, disconnect with unhealthy technology when you can. Yes, Facebook (and all Social Media, for that matter) is great to share and connect with friends and family. But, it also creates unusual, negative health consequences; one that promotes only the good, perfect lives of those around you. It’s always people’s best selfies, or their happiest or saddest moments shared with their worlds. It’s hyperbole all the time. It’s time to disconnect from Facebook (or your Social Media app of choice) for periods of time. Consider it a Social Media detox.

On the other hand, it’s time to reconnect with your technology to deal with your loneliness. One way to do that is to use a wide variety of health-focused apps to change the way you see your world. In psychological parlance, this is called cognitive reframing. This is a basic but powerful technique for acknowledging your thoughts and then challenging or refuting the ones that are harmful and untrue.

There are a wide variety of wellness, journaling and  apps that can help you do that. Here are few to get you started:

  • Koko is a service that connects to Facebook Messenger and Twitter, and it provides crowdsourced human-powered encouragement to overcome many issues, including isolation and its emotional evil twin brother, loneliness. Simply click on Koko for Messenger and it will take you to a Facebook Messenger chat window. Say anything and Koko will begin to guide you to help from other people like you on the issue you’re facing. You might also want to check out Vent, which is a virtual community dedicated to lifting your mood and combating loneliness.
  • Journey is a journaling app available on Android, ChromeOS, iOS, Mac, Web, and Windows. The beauty of Journey is that it captures easily whatever you’re feeling, but has several perks: it automatically identifies the weather and temperature outside, identifies whether you’re walking, sitting or on the road, and has the ability to embed photos and videos so you can get some image-based evidence about what you’re feeling in the moment.
  • Finally, if you can’t seem to tackle cognitive reframing yourself. You can find virtual counseling with the BetterHelp or Talkspace apps.  As always, if you continue to feel isolated or lonely, please seek professional help such as a psychologist or psychiatrist.

One powerful technology platform that also helps you address loneliness is Meetup. You can find Meetup groups for just about everything and everywhere. If you have an interest, you can find a group. Don’t have any interests? Well, you can peruse the groups and find an interest and the community to get involved in together. There’s no lack of connections when you jump into the Meetup community.

As a kindly reminder, join us at Four DIrections Wellness for our Meetup known as Mindfulness Mondays.  Become a member and join us on the 2nd and 4th Monday of the month from noon to 1 pm for community and meditation.

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So, whether your empty-nesting, landing in a new job away from your hometown, feeling isolated after a break-up and it won’t go away, or having a lingering loneliness that seems inexplicable, you have the power to take control over the situation. It’s not easy. But, you can make a difference in how you feel. And, when you do, you’ll start to connect with others. That internal experience of loneliness will then start to blossom into a new reality of experiencing positive and healthy social connections.

Have you ever felt isolated? What did you do that helped you kick the loneliness and reintegrate positive social engagement in your everyday life?

Insomnia Alternative Treatments

Simple & Natural Approaches to a Good Night’s Sleep – Insomnia Alternative Treatments

You head to bed after a long day. It’s one o’clock in the morning. Now, it’s three. Then, it’s five a.m. You tossed. You turned. And, you had your glass of warm milk. This has been going on for months.

You’re not only mentally exhausted during the workday but you’re simply less yourself. You snap at the barista when you get the wrong mocha latté order one day. You stop going to yoga as often because you simply don’t have the emotional or physical energy to get through the poses.

You start to think that something is not right. Something is off. And, from a few Google searches, you find that your symptoms sound like you have insomnia. Insomnia is defined as a difficulty initiating or maintaining healthy sleep. With more than three million cases of insomnia reported each year in the United States, if you’re experiencing the symptoms of insomnia, you’re not alone.

And, while insomnia is incurable, you can treat it with these three strategies of insomnia alternative treatments that don’t require potentially harmful, traditional medications.

Lifestyle Behavioral Changes | Insomnia Alternative Treatments

While insomnia can be triggered or exacerbated by disease or illness, there’s still no more beneficial way to impact your sleep than good nutrition and physical exercise.

A well-balanced, nutritious diet, such as the Healthy Eating Plate, that is provided by Harvard University’s School of Public Health, is a great source for paying attention to one’s overall dietary fitness. If you eat the right foods, your body has the needed chemical compounds to release into the bloodstream at the right times in the evening to help you sleep at night.

Research studies into eating before sleep has noted that having small amounts of carbohydrates (and avoiding protein as you can) and beverages containing L-tryptophan (like, skim milk) can be helpful to induce slumber.

Exercise, especially resistance exercises, can be very beneficial to sleep. By doing exercise, this increases your body’s time in “deep sleep,” or the body’s stage of sleep that produces the most cell repair. And, there are many more benefits of setting your body up for deep sleep, but the primary point is that exercise stimulates sleep on multiple levels and that should be motivation enough to start moving.

The National Institutes of Health have Guidelines for Adults for physical activity of 150 minutes per week, which breaks down to approximately 30 minutes per day of moderate activity. If you’ve not been working out, make sure to start easier than you think and increase your exercise regimen slowly. Overdoing exercise can not only lead to injury but it can also backfire and harm your sleep, so consistency is more important for the long-term benefits of exercise to sleep.

As well, reduce or eliminate caffeine consumption at least four but up to six hours before you plan to go to sleep. The same goes for nicotine, as it’s a stimulant, consumption up to four hours before bed.

Herbal and Natural Ingestible Sleep Aids | Insomnia Alternative Treatments

From lifestyle behavior changes of nutrition and exercise you may get some much-needed rest, but it may not be enough. Enter herbal and natural ingestible sleep aids. There are a couple of insomnia alternative treatments readily available on the market that can provide you some relief from sleepless nights–melatonin and valerian root.

Melatonin is sometimes called the “sleep hormone” as it’s produced by your pineal gland in the brain in order to regulate your circadian rhythm, the functionality of which manages your ability to fall and stay asleep. Remarkably, in addition to animals producing melatonin, plants also produce this chemical for other purposes and from them we harvest melatonin as an all-natural ingestible sleep aid. Taken 30 to 60 minutes before the time you’d like to go to bed and melatonin mimics the sleep hormone your brain naturally produces to guide you into sleep. Also note that most over-the-counter dosages are much more than your body produces naturally so you will want to cut those pills down to smaller sizes typically. Take the smallest amount and test for a week or so at a time, only then increase to a slightly larger dose. From researching melatonin dosing, overdosing on melatonin can decrease your likelihood of falling asleep and increase your restlessness, so it’s not worth it to take more than you absolutely need before bed.

Valerian root was first discovered during the age of Ancient Greek and Rome (which started roughly around 750 B.C.) and used as a medicinal herb to induce and maintain sleep. It comes from the perennial flowering plant, Valerian. According to Healthline.com, dosage as a natural sleep aid is pretty simple. “Based on the available research, take 300 to 600 milligrams (mg) of valerian root 30 minutes to two hours before bedtime. This is best for insomnia or sleep trouble. For tea, soak 2 to 3 grams of dried herbal valerian root in 1 cup of hot water for 10 to 15 minutes.”

They go on to say that “valerian root seems to work best after taking it regularly for two or more weeks. Don’t take valerian root for more than a month without talking to your doctor.“

You can buy both of these as a dietary supplement in your local pharmacy and they’re taken orally before bed. If you’re taking other medications, or pregnant, please see a medical professional before taking any of these ingestible sleep aids.

While those are the primary ingestible sleep aids on the market, there are many more natural and homeopathic sleep aids that you can try (with the guidance of a skilled and licensed healthcare practitioner) as insomnia alternative treatments.

Digital Sleep Interventions | Insomnia Alternative Treatments

Remarkably, much of the digital connectedness we benefit from today is also a likely source of keeping insomniacs awake. Thankfully, the tech geeks are aware (since software developers are at high-risk to become insomniacs) and are on it!

The biggest culprit for stopping the production of melatonin as we discussed earlier is blue light emissions (BLE) from the screens of the devices we expose ourselves to day and night. These software and tools can help you mitigate the BLE from your favorite devices:

  1. Install this free software, f.lux, on your Windows, Mac, and Linux personal computers and laptops to gradually reduce the BLE as the sun sets.
  2. Android’s built-in Night Mode settings will help you do the same.
  3. And, Apple’s iOS Night Shift mode can be switched on to reduce those BLE for you, too.
  4. For the television, emitting the most BLE per square inch usually, there’s Drift TV box, which you connect between your TV and any content sources (cable box, DVD/Blu-Ray player, etc.), so your Netflix binges at night can be done without sacrificing an opportunity to slip into sleep.

Do your kids and elderly parents a favor and install or enable these on all their devices as well.

Brain.fm is a program that plays something called binaural beats. These are a set of sounds each played individually in your ears. By playing different sounds, the pulsating effect at specific tempos can induce stages of sleep, such as light and deep sleep. If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend that you try it out and see if it can help you fall asleep faster and more deeply.

New technologies are developing for next-level sleep for everyone. The below video describes new brainwave sleep music technology akin to binaural beats, by Dr. Daniel Gartenberg. So, even if you’ve tried everything and still struggle with insomnia, know that insomnia alternative treatments are being worked on to hopefully help you in the near future.

Do you suffer from insomnia? What tips or techniques do you use to get to sleep and sleep better?

Love Actually

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”
Prime Minister in Love Actually

2018: Are you ready for a reframe in perspective?

 

Over the holiday season, I visited with my sister in Boston.  On one snowy, blustery evening, she suggested that we watch the movie Love Actually and asked that I pay close attention to the first few lines of the movie.  I instantly fell in love with the movie’s opening lines  While the movie debuted in 2003, the words seem so important as we head into 2018, almost 15 years later.

I wonder.  Do we see a world full of hate, greed and divisiveness?  Or is it possible that love really is everywhere?

Speedy Change – Positive or Negative?

Haven’t recent events encouraged all of us to look for the larger meaning in all? As we look back on 2017, we know the year was full of turmoil.  Turmoil in politics, civil unrest, weather, environment, economy, education and healthcare to name a few.  We awoke each day to a seemingly endless array of new events that we had not seen coming the previous day.  It seemed so unpredictable.

In his book “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life,” Drunvalo Melchizedek discusses how information has been growing at an accelerated speed. From the beginning of human civilization (circa 3800 B.C. to A.D. 1900 (or 5800 years), we have accumulated a certain amount of information. That has been accelerating at a very rapid pace.  Our knowledge doubled from 1900 to 1950. We doubled that amount again in 20 years from 1950 to 1970. Then doubled again from 1970 to 1980, and now we are doubling that number every few years.  A cultural change, that took decades to be implemented, can now happen in a few short years.  One example includes jobs.  In the past, jobs might become obsolete but it usually took decades for that to happen.  Now, jobs can end almost overnight. Yet, conversely it also means that we have the ability to change things for the better, and we can do that very rapidly.

So we need to encourage a reframe in our thinking.  In part, the August Solar Eclipse this past year encouraged us to do just that – to seek a new perspective.  It was the reminder that our minds can chose to block out a larger perspective (the Truth or the Sun) and hold us captive to the outdated and misinformed ways of living.  It encourages us to challenge our thoughts and seek the larger Universal Truth.  In so doing, we have the capacity and ability to change our world rapidly to a more positive, loving and limitless experience.

2018 Meaning: 

2018 is the perfect year to focus on the new perspectives of everything in our world.  Why?  Affinity Numerology indicates that 2018 is a number of “cooperation and relationships AND the idea of BEING LIMITLESS.”  It is a year where wisdom and intuition reign.  Teamwork, pulling together, companionship and diplomacy are key considerations in the new year.With that in mind, we have the opportunity to impact our community and our world through are actions.  Do we wish to pursue divisiveness, greed and hatred?  Or are we ready to make significant changes by first being willing to seek common ground through cooperation, building of relationships and knowing that we are limitless in our ability to find solutions to the largest issues impacting our world?

This does not mean that we have to pursue lofty goals.  We can and should start small, in our own backyards.

A simple way to begin is by erasing the word “blame” from our vocabulary. Instead, when a situation arises where we would like to blame another.  Take a moment to ask – “what is my role in this particular scenario? and what can I personally do to encourage positive change with this situation?”

Here are some examples of the reframe possibilities:

  • Old Work Paradigms:  My boss insists that we continue to do things as we have always done them.  Take time to not blame your boss and ask what steps can you take to see new changes.  Develop a plan, seek consensus from others, and talk to your boss about your new ideas.
  • Limiting Financial Beliefs:  You are financially having difficulty making ends meet.  Consider what limiting beliefs you have regarding money. Write them down.  Example:  My occupation is of no value or I am of no value.  Determine which of these limited beliefs you are willing to let go off and send them on their way. Take time to develop a business plan, brainstorm all limitless possibilities, then determine next practical steps on the ones that you like best.
  • Relationship Struggles: 2018 is the year of relationships!  If you are in a relationship (whether romantic, family or friend) and you continue to have difficulties, take time to consider the areas that hit your hot button.  Identify the feelings behind those hot buttons.  Now notice where you too reflect those same feelings.  Just be aware.  When ready and if possible, have an honest conversation with the other person.  Listen to him or her – really listen to his or her perspective.  Then determine if there is mutual agreement and areas where you can work together.  Don’t blame, seek forgiveness, spot where the same feeling is within you and send the best wishes for the person involved.
  • Global Social Issues: Get involved!  Politics, environment, social issues, education, healthcare, military, corporations, criminal system, social programs – the list is endless.  Take time to identify the causes of importance to you.  Reach out to those working on the cause — hear and listen to all sides of the issue.  Seek new approaches and ask for all sides to be involved in the solution.
  • Self-Care:  None of us can be good at anything if we are not taking dedicated time to support our own self-care:  physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  Determine how you wish to support your own care this year, schedule it in your calendar if necessary.  It will pay huge dividends in the end.
What would you like to see reframed in the New Year?  Consider your list of possibilities and actions you wish to take in 2018.
Happy New Year and All of the Best,
Limitless Possibilities to You in 2018!
Celebrating Spiritual Literacy in this Magical Season - Four Directions Wellness

Celebrating Spiritual Literacy in this Magical Season

To see a world in a grain of sand

And a heaven in a wild flower.

To hold infinity in the palm of your

Hand and eternity in an hour.

~William Blake

Since the dawn of day, mankind has always searched for the deeper meaning in life and the world around us.  Ancient cultures used the seasonal changes and the natural rhythms of life to connect with the higher purpose and the Divine.  On Friday, December 22, we will witness the Winter Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere–the darkest day of the year–and that reminder of the balance we have in our world.  The balance of duality, of the sun and the moon, of light and dark, of external and internal influences and of how it impacts us personally as well as globally.  During this sacred time, there is an opportunity for us all to reflect on our spiritual literacy, to our personal understanding of the Divine and spiritual concepts, as we settle into winter’s period of introspection.

 

 

The Dance Between Sun and Moon

Prior to any of the Abrahamic religions, there were spiritual leaders studying the sun and moon. The Sun’s presence (or lack thereof) meant the difference between feast or famine for many tribes, empires and nation-states. From Helios of Ancient Athens to Hu Gardarn of the Druids, Horus of Egyptian mythology to Pithras of Persia. All of these deities were revered at some point for their power over the sun.

As we enter closer to the Winter Solistice, many celebrate the dance between the sun and moon.  Traditional religions hold their High Holy Days around this sacred time including the holidays of Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.  Muslims, as well, reverie the change from dark to lighter days.

And of course, astrologists are fascinated by the impact of the Sun and Moon.  If you know your zodiac sign, you’ll be surprised to know how it’s not just about stars and your birthday. The “zodiac” itself is the apparent path of the sun over Earth, and originates longitude and latitude on our little third rock from the sun.  

For those who study astrology, it is known that we are experiencing one of many “Mercury Retrogrades.”  This is a time when the Universe calls on us to seriously review patterns that keep appearing in our life and to be aware of Universal messaging on next steps needed for our life’s purpose.  It is a time for introspection as we head towards the longest night of the year on December 22.

Key Considerations During Introspective Time

Even though Mercury Retrograde has been happening throughout this month, you still have time to be actively involved in the process.  Here are some key considerations for you.

  • Over the past year and a half, have you been having a certain issue or situation appear consistently?  What is it and what have been the key themes for you?
  • Over the past month, have you noticed any specific patterns that keep appearing in your life?  What are they?  And how you would you like to see them change?  In particular, be sure to focus on what you can do specifically to see changes in this area rather than hoping that the situation or people involved will change.
  • Simply be aware and open to what is happening in your life.  Notice when you receive guidance to go a certain direction or engage with certain people.  Simply being aware can be helpful during the integration period (December 22 – January 10)

During this time, it is important to consider your role in changing any scenario that is not what you wish to have in your life.

After December 22, it is a time to integrate and move forward with the insights garnered.  The introspective period usually is focused on something that is a significant issue for you, or a life-long pattern that needs a new approach, consideration, and/or larger perspective for change.

What to Consider During the Integration Period?

Once you have had time to reflect and develop the list of considerations.  Take some time to review all that you have received, consider what areas you would like to see changes and take time to quietly reflect.  From December 22 through January 10, it is a powerful time – as the nights begin to get shorter – to integrate those changes.

  • Outline the issues, patterns, relationships that you are ready to seek change.
  • Determine what you are willing to do to see change in this area.  Avoid seeking to blame another, instead ask what you can do to compassionately make changes in this particular area.  Take just one small change and see what happens in your life.
  • Consider if you are able and willing to forgive the situation, person and your role in the event.  If you need help with this area, I encourage you to read “Radical Forgiveness” by Colin Tipping.

Moving Forward:  What’s Next?

From the birth of the sun to today’s many religious views, now more than ever you can explore freely and deeply. Spiritual literacy comes in many parts and you can dive into any of these areas during the winter months while cozied up next to the fireplace.

While not an exhaustive list, there are many aspects of spiritual literacy:

  1. Attention or simply being aware;
  2. Devotion/reverence;
  3. Love/compassion for you and others;
  4. Gratitude/forgiveness/redemption;
  5. Hospitality/openness;
  6. Imagination/wonder, and
  7. Life’s purpose/meaning.

There are ways in which you can invest in your own spiritual literacy through small acts daily throughout the winter season. You could endeavor to dedicate each week or month to one of the above (or other) aspects of spiritual understanding. Just as Thanksgiving Day is a natural holiday that gives us a moment to pause and be grateful for all that we have, you can dedicate specific days throughout the season to celebrate and honor compassion, showing forgiveness to those who have wronged you throughout the year, seek redemption from a friend or family member who you have crossed, and more. Further, you can go to the local library or bookstore and pick up a few ancient sacred texts on topics of interest to you. You can read some each day as devotion to your spiritual literacy practice. These small acts, done consistently, build upon one another and helps you grow as a more whole, virtuous person.

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There is quite a bit of scientific study being done about the potential of human hibernation. These would allow humans who are seriously or terminally ill, injured in an accident, or even during long-distance space sojourns, the survive these harsh and prolonged circumstances. But, you don’t need this new technological revolution to seek inner solitude during the winter months to gain more spiritual literacy. Honor your connection to the sun and its life-giving energy, ask yourself deep questions, and strengthen your spiritual understanding.

What are some ways in which you reflect on and develop your spiritual literacy during the winter season? Let us know in the comments!

Home Alone for the Holidays - Four Directions Wellness

Home Alone for the Holidays

Home Alone came to movie theaters in 1990—27 years ago! While it seems inconceivable that you could accidentally leave your eight-year-old home alone for the holidays while heading out on vacation, I suppose it happens. But, what if you are the one being left alone, like young Kevin McAllister (played by Macaulay Culkin), during the holiday season?

Key Strategies for Loneliness During Holidays | Home Alone for the Holidays

There are many reasons that one might find him- or herself alone for the holidays. In my family, I have several commercial pilots who often find that they are scheduled to work on the holidays. There are many other occupations that require people to work the holiday. Some families may delay the holiday festivities until all can be home. Let’s face it, though. That is not always possible. And sometimes we find that we are home for the holidays for reasons such as too much family drama; the recent loss of a spouse or loved one leaving no other family or other life circumstances. If this is describing your circumstances, please know that you are not alone.

While you might think that you can easily get through the upcoming holiday, often when the day arrives, we can’t help but wish to be with others. Feelings of loneliness and depression may overwhelm us. How do you cope? What are some key strategies to help you get through the holiday season?

In a recent PsychCentral blog by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., titled, “Coping with Loneliness During the Holidays,” the following recommendations are key strategies to help get through the holiday blues.

  • Seek Company: Be prepared for the holiday. Realize that when the day arrives, you may feel very lonely. Reach out to family or friends or community to plan to be around others during the day, even if for only an hour.
  • Share your Feelings: Take time to share your true feelings with a trusted friend or confidant. Voicing your feelings with another helps to provide needed recognition and supports the healing process.
  • Ask for what You Need: We often hope that others will remember that our loved one has passed away or that we are not able to travel home to our family. It is important to realize though that well meaning family or friends may not. Take time to reach out and specifically ask for what you need. Ask this of those who are your trusted friends or loved ones.
  • Avoid Social Media: Social media leaves many people feeling empty and as if other’s lives are better than their own. It is best to avoid social media and instead seek to engage personally with others.
  • Honor your Feelings: Recognize and name those emotions that are showing up for you. Take time to journal all those feelings and memories of previous holidays. What do you remember about those holidays? Who was present? What do you love most about that time?
  • Practice Self-Care: Plan to do activities that bring you happiness or joy. The activity might be cooking, reading, watching a good movie, walking, meditating, etc. You might also wish to plan something special for that week such as scheduling a massage or planning a luncheon with a friend.
  • Have Realistic Expectations: It’s a difficult time. These recommendations may not ensure a wonderful day but realizing and setting realistic expectations of the day is helpful.
  • Question your Social Group: If you are out with your friends and finding that you simply are not comfortable, Tartakovsky recommends that this may be an indication that it is time to make new friends. Find the group of people who best reflect your values and who support you.
  • Volunteer: It is the season of giving. To lift your spirits and appreciate this particular holiday, consider volunteering and helping others who are in most need.
  • Seek Therapy: And finally, know that there is always help available to you. Support groups for those who have lost loved ones, therapists for one-on-one sessions and spiritual counseling for those seeking a larger understanding of all that is happening.

Make It a Holiday Vacation, or Staycation | Home Alone for the Holidays

If you happen to find yourself home alone for the holidays, you can chose to make it a positive experience. Dedicate your time by enjoying a holiday-themed vacation or staycation plans. This might be the welcome respite you’ve been looking for all year long!

With so much to see during the holidays, this is your opportunity to make an entire holiday week (or weekend) of traversing the city and surrounding areas to see the Main Street districts lit up with seasonal lights and seeing the sites. Sometimes being a tourist in your own city can be a joy, especially with people away for the holidays, and therefore, less traffic.

There are the holiday markets (you’ve got available to you such as the Downtown Holiday Market near Gallery Place/Chinatown and the other Holiday Market at Eastern Market. Then, you can go skating at the ice skating rink at the Sculpture Garden or the Washington National Harbor ice skating rink.

You don’t want to miss the Christmas on the Potomac festivities, which include the Christmas Village, ICE! (see the video below to check out the little village made of ice), musical performances, and more events happening throughout the season.

So, while you may not be Kevin fighting off thieves attempting to break in and steal your family’s belongings during the holidays, it can feel like a challenge being home alone for the holidays. Chase away the holiday blues by following one or more of the key strategies identified above. Better yet, make it a holiday vacation or staycation with all that the DC area has to offer.

What are your favorite strategies for surviving the holidays? I would love to hear your thoughts and recommendations.

Quick and Easy Healthy Holiday Recipes - Four Directions Wellness

Quick and Easy Healthy Holiday Recipes

‘Tis the season to be merry and bright! You’ll see family, friends, colleagues, and clients throughout this holiday season. And, you’re going to be surrounded by all sorts of goodies and treats to delight your taste buds.

The problem comes on January 1st when the clock strikes midnight. Your New Year’s resolution to lose that extra few pounds will kick in and you’re not going to like reading the measurement on your bathroom scale. But, it doesn’t have to be that way! You can make some healthy holiday recipes and eat them too!

Here are several healthy holiday recipes that are good for you, your kids and your family or work gathering, in that order. Your waist, hips, wherever you see weight appear first, it will thank you!

Healthy Winter Holiday Drinks | Health Holiday Recipes

The holidays are filled with beverages and foods that attack your systems on all fronts, including foods that are high in sugars, encourage overconsumption while being high-calorie, and are dehydrating because of their salt concentration.

Below are 12 healthy holiday cocktails to treat yourself to when you’re making Christmas dinner or you’re getting ready to greet a horde of family members. The secret here is that you can mix any of these beverages as mocktails (simply don’t add the alcohol if you don’t want to). If you do make the drink, and it includes sugar, you can substitute as the article notes for stevia, agave nectar, or another all-natural sweetener in its place.

13 Healthier Takes on Your Favorite Holiday Cocktails

As with any cocktail, make sure to drink at least eight ounces of water for every drink that you imbibe. This will help offset the dehydrating qualities of the beverages. Actually, this is probably a good rule of thumb for all non-alcoholic drinks you have in life as well.

And, you can share these drinks with your kids as mocktails and spice them up for your adult friends when they come over.

Cookies for the Kids! | Healthy Holiday Recipes

As we’ve written about before, it’s important to establish family traditions. These are the moments that your children will remember of you for a lifetime. And, these are what will help them develop healthy eating habits, too. So, why not make a family tradition of baking healthy holiday recipes from when the kids are young?

This holiday treat is a great healthy Christmas cookie that contains ingredients that are good for you, but doesn’t skimp on taste! They are “gluten-, dairy- and refined sugar-free” cookies, while managing to contain “whole carbs, good protein and healthy fats” as well. As Liezl Jayne Strydom, the YouTuber who put together this video/recipe, it’s her and sister’s tradition. The recipe has become healthier as the years go by.

This goes to show that you can start with something like this healthy Christmas cookie and modify it over time to make it to your family’s unique taste.

Healthy Holiday Dessert | Healthy Holiday Recipes

The holidays center on heavy meals and decadent desserts. It’s a time of celebration and plenty after all. In keeping with that, the next recipe is a winter fruit salad dessert and doesn’t fall short on flavor. You can make big batches, and it’s easy to make this last-minute for any holiday gathering.

https://therecipecritic.com/2017/01/best-winter-fruit-salad/

As the blogger, Alyssa, notes, “The Best Winter Fruit Salad is filled with clementines, kiwi, pears, apples, and pomegranate. It gets tossed in a delicious honey lime poppyseed dressing and you won’t be able to get enough!” Experiment with different dressings that your family and friends will enjoy, but the honey lime poppyseed dressing is healthy and remarkably delicious!

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What healthy holiday recipes do you have? Share them in the comments and let us know! We’d love to hear how you celebrate the holiday season in healthy style.

Recognizing & Supporting Family Caregiving

Recognizing and Supporting Family Caregivers

“Caregiving often calls us to lean into love
we didn’t know possible.”  Tia Walker, author

Think back on your life for a moment.  When in your life did you have to dig deep into your reserves to face another day?  For many of us, it is likely a time that required us to care for another person.  It might be our children, our significant other or a parent.When it happens, it can be unexpected and challenge us to keep all of the balls in the air to meet our daily tasks of career, family… and life!  It also can stretch us to our personal limits – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

 

My Mom and me prior to her needing family caregiving.

AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving suggest there are an estimated 34+ million Americans are currently providing unpaid caregiving to loved ones each day.  AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving suggest that the majority of family caregivers are women.  They are usually caring for one loved one and are challenged by navigating the healthcare system, utilizing limited financial dollars and addressing both the physical and emotional aspects of their loved one’s illness.

Our Changing Society!

 

It is important to note that caregiving has changed throughout history.  The American Society on Aging (ASA) recently published a review titled “Family Caregiving:  Looking to the Future.”   In the ASA’s review of caregiving, the researchers note that before World War II, advanced age was not common. “Only 41 percent of people born in 1900 survived to age 65. In sharp contrast, an estimated 84 percent of people born in 2010 will live to age 65 or older.  In the past three decades, the population ages 90 and older has nearly tripled.” And most deaths were due to an acute illness or to trauma before World War II.

After WWII, many factors changed how we lived in our society.  Medical advancements allowed people to live longer.  Our society transitioned into occupations that were not as physically taxing and efficiencies in living, eating and working became the norm.

At the same time, however, we were seeing an uptick in new illnesses.  Cancer, Diabetes, heart failure and other chronic illnesses were now becoming a normal component of living.  While someone might live longer, they also lived with a chronic illness.  And today, on average, a typical older adult now has eight or more medications that he or she is consuming daily.

As a result, we now have more family members who are providing caregiving to their loved ones grappling with one or more chronic illnesses and living a longer life.

Support for Family Caregivers

 

As our society has evolved and changed, family caregivers have become a new norm.  If and when a family member needs your assistance, here are some helpful considerations from HelpGuide.org.

Family Caregiver Tips:

  • Tip #1:  Accept Your Feelings: There is a whole range of emotions that you may feel as you undertake family caregiving.  As long as they do not hurt another person, they are all a normal aspect of caregiving.  Feelings may include a range of anger, fear, resentment, guilt, helplessness and grief – and more.
  • Tip #2:  Find Caregiver Support:  You may be the primary family caregiver but it is important to do an initial assessment of all that will be required to care for your loved one.  Take time to understand from his or her physicians and healthcare team what the next couple of weeks and months may entail.  Then plan appropriately for those upcoming tasks. For instance, you may need to identify a primary care physician, a home health agency and a home care company.  That coordination is helpful in advance for a smoother transition.  Don’t forget to solicit help from family and friends too!
  • Tip #3:  Really Connect with Your Loved One:  To the best of your ability, seek time to truly concentrate on your loved one.  Be sure to have dinner without additional distractions.  Take a half hour to listen to old stories that your loved one wishes to tell.  Or share your morning coffee together for ten minutes before the day gets underway.
  • Tip #4: Attend to Your Own Needs:  Most people do not realize until too late the physical and emotional toll it takes on the caregiver too.  It is important to identify support for yourself.  This may be dedicated time to talk to a trusted confidant or it may mean scheduling your daily exercise. It might also mean asking another to care for your loved one so that you have time for respite too.  And try to incorporate some down time for yourself each day for meditation, reading, a bath or whatever helps feed your soul!
  • Tip #5: Take Advantage of Community Services:  As part of that planning process, be sure to identify community support services in your local area.  The services may include church organization, veteran support groups, community transportation, meal services, and adult day care.  Your local city or county government is a good first place to start. And don’t forget checking with your local senior groups too!
  • Tip #6: Provide Long Distance Care:  Many people may be a long distance caregiver.  Here are a few considerations for you.  You might explore organizing an alarm system for if your loved one has a life-threatening situation.  Be sure to schedule regular calls or video conferences with your loved one.  Identify a professional caregiver who can assist you from a distance and be sure to thoroughly check their credentials.  And check into the local services offered in the area.
Finally, Four Directions Wellness would like to say “thank you” to you. The month of November is recognized as National Family Caregiver Month and we appreciate all that you do!
Uncovering Our Family’s History

Uncovering Our Family’s History

In our last article, “Family Stories,” I wrote about ways in which you can engage with family members to gain greater wisdom from the stories we all can share.   As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, it might be fun to explore further your rich family history and learn of your ancestors.  Who knows what fascinating stories your family has to be unearthed!

A Family’s History:  What’s Hidden in the Past?

In recent years, genealogy has become a popular hobby and gaining in public interest.  One of the first shows to popularize learning about your family history was “Who Do You Think You Are?”  Since the broadcasting of that television show, genealogy shows have become popular, enticing us to learn more about our family histories.

As a child, I was more than familiar with the art of tracing our ancestors lives.  My Mom began the pursuit, requiring the family to travel from Pittsburgh to Washington DC, not for the historical offerings but instead to visit the National Archives and research our family’s past.  Mom would search through realms of microfilms for information on births, deaths, marriages and more.  (This was the way it had to be done before the internet!)

It didn’t take long until my Dad became interested in his past too.  He started joining my Mom at the Archives and, to her chagrin, found a wealth of information there on his family roots.  

Here’s where our story becomes even more intriguing.  At the same time, my oldest sister, Kathi, was living with her husband, Chris, in New Jersey.  They had purchased land around Boston, Massachusetts, and were heading there to begin their life together.

My father found that his family could be traced back to Salem, Massachusetts and actually had land in that vicinity.  One weekend he visited with my sister in Massachusetts and asked to go to the local library.  Soon after, he realized that his family had previously owned the land that my sister and her husband had just bought!  Crazy, right?  What are the chances?

My Dad’s finding intrigued Kathi who now joined in his exploration of our roots in Massachusetts.  She and our family were to discover that one of our ancestors and her daughter were accused of witchcraft during the Salem Witch Trials and spent time in jail.  Both the mother and her daughter were ultimately released from jail and subsequently pardoned by the Governor of Massachusetts.  Yet, the story so fascinated my sister that she delved into the history.  Her in-depth research of our family and the Salem Witch Trials led to her writing a children’s book, The Sacrifice.  

You never know what your family’s history might turn up.  It might also result in simply understanding how they lived.   On my mother’s side, the stories were less sensational.  We did learn that our family were mainly steelworkers and tailors living in Pittsburgh.  We learned how they immigrated to Pennsylvania from England and quickly became part of the fabric of all that the Steel City had to offer.

Thanksgiving Holiday Challenge!

This Thanksgiving Holiday take some time to learn more about your family – in whatever way “family” is defined for you.  Be curious to learn where your family originated, why it is thought that they immigrated here to the United States and what, if any, official records might be kept.

You might find that one person in your family is known to be the “family historian.”  They might have records of birth dates, death dates, marriage certificates and other personal information helping to weave your family’s history together.  In some cases, you may find old newspaper articles about your family in the local papers.  Our family found some interesting stories of jilted lovers and pranks that happened under our family name.  (Again, from my Dad’s side of the family.)  

WIth the internet now, it is easier to track family information.  It is always more helpful, though, to hear first hand the stories.  With this information, the pieces fall into place as you find information to validate the stories, timelines and movements of your family.

What Did You Learn?

This Thursday, take the Thanksgiving Challenge by learning more about your family’s origins. Let us know what you discover.  When did your family arrive here in the United States?  What stories did you learn that you hadn’t known before?  What else was interesting?

And, have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Family Stories - Four Directions Wellness

Family Stories: The Wisdom of Our Seniors

Almost everyone has a family story or two that comes up during the holidays or other family gatherings that bring tears of laughter, joy or sorrow to everyone’s eyes when they’re told. As a nation of immigrants, it could be a generation’s old story of a grandparent or other ancestor who made the trip to the New World for opportunities or refuge from their native land. Or, it’s that time when your cousin fell asleep in his own birthday cake while the family was singing Happy Birthday! The specifics don’t matter so much to others as the stories matter to you and your family. As it’s National Family Heritage Month and Family Stories Month, this is the time of year to talk to your family members who have stories and to get them to tell them. Here are a few ways you can engage in your own family heritage and learn about your family stories around this holiday season.

Questions to Ask Older Family Members | Family Stories

The older you get, the more you have experienced in life. That’s a matter of fact. However, it’s frequently observed that older family members are distanced further and further in American society. Now is the time to snap back into the treasure trove of stories that older family member’s contain. They have details about events that they may not even realize you don’t know, or that they know but no one ever asked them. Here are nine questions you can ask older family members that will unearth a little piece of your storied family and its heritage:

  • What was it like growing up?
  • What made you move to [insert where they raised their children]?
  • How did you like being a [insert their profession/career, including homemakers]? (You’ll be surprised at what you learn and what stories they can tell you when you ask this question!)
  • Who is the oldest family member you remember? And, what do you remember about him or her?
  • What is your favorite [insert anything here…musician, meal, book, car, etc.]?
  • How did you meet your wife/husband?
  • What is one circumstance in life that happened that you’d like to do over again, and why? (Beware: this could be a long and emotional story. Very traumatic and ecstatic stories are the ones we best bond over, though, so they’re worthwhile.)
  • What is the most valuable lesson you learned in life? Where, when did you learn it?
  • What is your favorite family activity, either growing up, in adulthood, or now?
  • What do you know of our ancestors and any interesting stories of our family?
  • What do you remember of historical events (such as the end of WWII? Pearl Harbor attack? Kennedy’s assassination? First American to the Moon?  Space Shuttle Challenger explosion? Or 9/11?)?

Ask Your Parents First About Your Heritage | Family Stories

It depends on how interested your parents are in their family history, but either way, most parents know some of your family heritage. It’s up to you to extract that knowledge for the next generation. Legends and rumors abound in family heritage, so you need to do some sleuthing to get all the details as accurate as you can.

It’s recommended that you start by asking your parents about your heritage. Let them know you’re interested in your family heritage and you’ll then be seeking out other family members to “fill in the blanks.” This helps keep mom and dad honest, because they know you’ll be fact-checking them. Then, corroborate the stories you hear by asking, if possible, your siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.
Remember, memory is fallible. We all remember a different version of our personal narrative. We conflate details, mistake days for years, and swap people out by accident. So, asking your parents first and then getting supporting facts really helps to get a whole, more accurate picture.

Tell Your Story, Ask for a Story

Everyone has a story. For that matter, everyone has many stories. But, those that are indelible and transport you back in time to those personal events in your life are the stories that matter. And, they are the stories you should tell.

There’s nothing more important that creating meaning in your life and the life of others. Stories are the ways that humans create meaning between each other. Personal history writing, or memoir, is an important tool for creating personal family stories in a way that can be conveyed for generations. Don’t get too caught up in the particulars of format and grammar and syntax, just write to your heart’s content. You can always edit later, then share it with a few close family members.

Ask them to tell their version of the story. Ask them to add their chapter to the story in a way that brings their perspective and details that you may not have witnessed. Then, ask them to ask a family member to add theirs. This pyramid scheme can birth an entire family history all spurred on by one family member asking another family member about just one story. You’d be surprised at where the story goes, and ends!

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Have you learned something truly amazing by asking your family about their stories? Have you told your family a story, say, about your youth, that they then had a different remembrance of? What family stories would you like to know?

Learning about Different Cultures - Four Directions Wellness-min

Learning about Different Cultures

There’s no question that our geography defines how we experience a good portion of our lives. From the places you live and have lived, to the culture that surrounds you, and to how societies work with one another in order to reach common goals. These have profound implications on our lives through small personal changes accumulating into compound effects, or whether a nation-state decides to sign a peace treaty with your country of residence. National Geographic understands the power of places, and that’s why they launched National Geography Awareness Week more than 25 years ago. This year, we’d like to discuss how learning about different cultures around the world can be beneficial to you in your everyday life, especially around this annual geography awareness week.

Learning about different cultures is global and local

One way that you can learn about different cultures and thereby learn about geography is a tool that National Geographic built called What the World Eats. This fascinating accounting of the global cultures’ diets brings a visual tool that also teaches. I had no idea Australians and Spaniards ate so much in the “Sugar and Fat” category, comparative to the global Daily Diet. And, you can see how certain countries have changed their meat-eating habits over the last 50 years. China has had a whopping 1,442% increase in meat consumption over the past half-decade; if you’re curious, you can investigate how China became the world’s large producers of pork.

Bringing your geography skills locally, do you know where your foods are sourced? Does it come from abroad? Is it locally sourced? Enter SeedMap.org, “a collaborative online portal on seeds, biodiversity and food. Practitioners, activists, researchers, teachers, students and citizens can explore over 400 case studies looking at where our food comes from, the challenges facing agriculture today, and strategies to overcome them.” You can explore the case studies done both here and globally to explain how geography and food are interconnected.

As well, one great benefit of living in the Washington, DC, metropolitan area is the availability of embassies and cultural centers available to us. You can visit this Embassy Guide and choose to visit one or two of them for National Geography Awareness Week, and you can take it up a notch by committing to visiting one per month over the next year. Think about all that you’ll learn and experience about different cultures in just one year from now?

Learning about different cultures brings our global connection to own awareness and mindfulness practices

We all know by now, especially if you’ve been reading this blog, that meditation is a powerful tool in your toolbox for creating a stronger, healthier mind, body and spirit. Well, it contains also the capacity to expand our learning about different cultures. By expanding your focus to the world outside your immediate network of friends, family, and coworkers, you can turn your attention to different cultures that you learned about above.

If you need some inspiration, Global Meditation Network provides education and resources for you to learn how to meditate along with a global community of meditators.  

Learn about different cultures through the flags of the world

In what may be one of the most different (and only) TED talks about vexillology, or the study of flags, Roman Mars presents a delightful romp through some of the world’s city’s worst flag designs, and the five basic principles they are breaking. Mars, being a radio show host, produces the TED Talk in the style of a radio program, which makes it even more unique and interesting—interviews with vexillologists and all.

If you want to learn more than you ever wanted to about flags, Flags of the World, is right up your alley! With over 65,000 pages and more than 129,000 flags in their database, you’ll find history and background on flags of countries, cities, organizations and more.

Check out this world flag game of identifying the 20 flags to their respective countries, which will not only be challenging but will also teach you a few more world flags and broaden your perspectives.

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No matter how you decide to learn about different cultures, we can all agree that finding commonalities among our fellow humans is powerful. It reduces conflicts, broadens horizons, and generally makes us more connected to one another. What ideas do you have for learning about different cultures around the globe this National Geography Awareness Week?