“Some folks got a light around them that shine for other peoples. I think that maybe some of them was in tunnels, and in that tunnel, maybe the only light they had was inside of them. And then, even long after they escaped that tunnel… They still be shining for everybody else.”
Clareece “Precious” Jones
Living a Life Free of Judgments
In the 2009 movie, Precious, a young teenage girl has endured a lifetime of abuse, neglect, incest and emotional turmoil from those closest to her. She is constantly berated at “home.” Both her mother and father continue the day-to-day torment but somewhere deep inside of Precious, she finds the inner strength to move past the judgments, abuse and neglect to break free.
The heartbreaking movie leaves its audience emotionally depleted as the young teenage girl continues to experience the day-in and day-out abuse. Those watching the two-hour movie, leave the theater feeling the weight of those judgments, constantly bombarding Precious. You feel how stuck Precious is in her current living situation. A feeling of absolute hopelessness as her Mom uses her to receive governmental funding and her Dad uses her for his sexual pleasures. Her parents continuing a heavy daily drumbeat that Precious is worthless, stupid and theirs to use and control.
If you have seen the movie, then you are well aware of the feeling of emptiness and dread that it provoked within you. The movie sadly reflects what many undergo with those closest to them whom they trust. And for others who are not living this experience, it invokes in us the question of would we find the courage to change? Would we be able to garner the inner strength and be as brave as Precious to risk it all for the unknown?
A “Precious” Deep Within:
Take a moment, though, to reflect further on the story of Precious. For all of us, there is a Precious deep within us. There is a “Precious” that absorbs the daily judgments, expectations and harshness of those around us, even when the words or actions of others are not specifically meant to hurt us. We often succumb to what we believe are their expectations of us to ensure their approval.
As we go through life, it can be more difficult to discern what is truly our opinion and what is that of someone else. Our life becomes so entangled in the lives of those we live and work with on a daily basis. Think for a moment on what judgments or expectations of someone else have we welcomed as our own? Many times we are not even aware that the belief is not our own belief. Consider what judgments, opinions or beliefs are that of yours or that of someone else.
Take some dedicated time to journal on the following questions to help you explore.
What are the judgments, opinions or beliefs of your family? Do you agree or disagree with your family? Why or why not?
What did you wish to do as a child but didn’t because of someone else’s wishes?
What Truths are you currently living that is someone else’s and not yours?
Conversely, what secret have you hidden from others? Why?
What have you always wanted to do but won’t do because of the reactions from others?
What do you do because you want others to love, support or value you?
Meditation to Explore:
Take a moment now through meditation to explore this in more depth. The truth is that while we might be able to answer the questions above quickly, there is likely so much more that is not obvious or easy to see.
Take a moment to get comfortable and stay in a quiet place;
Take a few deep breaths in, feeling yourself in your chair and dedicating this time for your exploration;
Imagine sitting in your favorite movie theater. See the big screen in front of you;
See yourself as a small child. Where are you? How is around you? What were your interests, hopes and dreams? How have they changed and why?
Take a moment to go through various ages and ask to be shown your Truths in comparison to others? Where do you have a belief that was later changed to align with another’s?
You can return to this meditation any time that you like to explore other people or time periods that may have impacted your beliefs.
Another Option – The Awareness Game:
If nothing comes to you during the meditation, not to worry. Another option is to play the awareness game. Simply notice as your day unfolds. As someone states something, don’t take the statement or belief for granted. Challenge yourself to consider if you believe similarly or different to their statement. Why or why not? Even if you have held this position all of your life, take a moment to consider if it still holds Truth for you. Pay close attention to your personal feelings, emotions and physical sensations within your body. Our bodies and emotions never lie to us – what does your mind-body want you to know?