Humans are social creatures. There’s no question about it. From our earliest days, as hunter-gatherers out in the wild, we survived and thrived as a species because we cooperated with one another. This cooperation has become so ingrained our beings, that separation from others can be intensely harmful.
In this week’s article, I’d like to delve into the root of isolation, and the loneliness and other psychological and physical harms it can do, and then provide two broad-based strategies for overcoming isolation.
Why Isolation Hurts Us
When you hear isolation today, you might think of a quarantined patient in a hospital ward with some kind of aggressive infection or virus. He or she is isolated for the protection of others. Naturally, while this isn’t great for the patient, it’s sometimes imperative for the health of the broader community. No one wants an outbreak, epidemic, or worse, pandemic because of such a case.
But, in reality, there is also a growing malady of isolating oneself from the world. This has been studied now for only about the last 50 years in the scientific research of loneliness. And, it’s this dis-ease that affects us all from time to time, and has mental, emotional and physical health consequences.
Psychobiologists (the new breed of scientists leading the research in isolation and loneliness studies) have found, that loneliness can reshape your hormonal signals and several other biological systems in your body and brain. It has gone from simply feelings to a true health risk. In the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), they recently highlighted a presentation by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, professor of psychology at Brigham Young University, at the American Psychological Association, about a meta-analysis she conducted of 148 studies covering about 300,000 participants. What did she conclude? Your risk of dying is double if you don’t have strong social connections.
So, we know that isolation breeds loneliness and other health risks, and it’s because it not only makes us feel bad, it manipulates our brains, bodies and behaviors in ways that make us at high risk of mortality. So, here’s what to do about it–a two-pronged approach to dealing with
Overcoming Loneliness and Isolation
Living in suburban and urban communities, especially in the Washington DC metropolitan area, you think there are so many places to go and things to do (as we discussed in this recent post) that you’d never feel isolated. However, the reality is, that even in these densely populated environments, isolation can set in.
First, technology today has the power to connect us like never before, but it paradoxically seems to be making our suburban and urban lives more distanced.
Next, with high density populations comes traffic, seeing people you may not want to, taking public transit that may have delays, indecision from too many choices of what to do or where to go, and so on. There are a variety of reasons that, by themselves aren’t all that bad, but combined create enough to stay secluded in your home.
So, what’s a suburban or urban dweller to do?
On the one hand, disconnect with unhealthy technology when you can. Yes, Facebook (and all Social Media, for that matter) is great to share and connect with friends and family. But, it also creates unusual, negative health consequences; one that promotes only the good, perfect lives of those around you. It’s always people’s best selfies, or their happiest or saddest moments shared with their worlds. It’s hyperbole all the time. It’s time to disconnect from Facebook (or your Social Media app of choice) for periods of time. Consider it a Social Media detox.
On the other hand, it’s time to reconnect with your technology to deal with your loneliness. One way to do that is to use a wide variety of health-focused apps to change the way you see your world. In psychological parlance, this is called cognitive reframing. This is a basic but powerful technique for acknowledging your thoughts and then challenging or refuting the ones that are harmful and untrue.
There are a wide variety of wellness, journaling and apps that can help you do that. Here are few to get you started:
- Koko is a service that connects to Facebook Messenger and Twitter, and it provides crowdsourced human-powered encouragement to overcome many issues, including isolation and its emotional evil twin brother, loneliness. Simply click on Koko for Messenger and it will take you to a Facebook Messenger chat window. Say anything and Koko will begin to guide you to help from other people like you on the issue you’re facing. You might also want to check out Vent, which is a virtual community dedicated to lifting your mood and combating loneliness.
- Journey is a journaling app available on Android, ChromeOS, iOS, Mac, Web, and Windows. The beauty of Journey is that it captures easily whatever you’re feeling, but has several perks: it automatically identifies the weather and temperature outside, identifies whether you’re walking, sitting or on the road, and has the ability to embed photos and videos so you can get some image-based evidence about what you’re feeling in the moment.
- Finally, if you can’t seem to tackle cognitive reframing yourself. You can find virtual counseling with the BetterHelp or Talkspace apps. As always, if you continue to feel isolated or lonely, please seek professional help such as a psychologist or psychiatrist.
One powerful technology platform that also helps you address loneliness is Meetup. You can find Meetup groups for just about everything and everywhere. If you have an interest, you can find a group. Don’t have any interests? Well, you can peruse the groups and find an interest and the community to get involved in together. There’s no lack of connections when you jump into the Meetup community.
As a kindly reminder, join us at Four DIrections Wellness for our Meetup known as Mindfulness Mondays. Become a member and join us on the 2nd and 4th Monday of the month from noon to 1 pm for community and meditation.
—
So, whether your empty-nesting, landing in a new job away from your hometown, feeling isolated after a break-up and it won’t go away, or having a lingering loneliness that seems inexplicable, you have the power to take control over the situation. It’s not easy. But, you can make a difference in how you feel. And, when you do, you’ll start to connect with others. That internal experience of loneliness will then start to blossom into a new reality of experiencing positive and healthy social connections.
Have you ever felt isolated? What did you do that helped you kick the loneliness and reintegrate positive social engagement in your everyday life?