Over 250 years since the dawn of modern psychology, psychologists have characterized success based on many traits. None have been more focused on than intelligence (IQ)–their ability to think fast or slow. In the 1970s, positive psychology was born as a branch of psychology and a cadre of new scientists began to study not disease of the mind but the opposite, along with the effect emotion had on success.
Daniel Goleman, PhD, at the time, was a science writer for The New York Times, reporting on neuroscience and the behavioral sciences. He was wooed away from the prestigious newspaper publisher to join the magazine, Psychology Today. It was there that he became aware of the research happening, not just on intelligence but on the fascinating, trending studies of emotional intelligence. His 1995 seminal analysis and book of the same name, Emotional intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, has spurred a movement, a sub-industry, and a new understanding that IQ isn’t everything there is to the success of human endeavors.
Let’s discuss Emotional Intelligence and Dr. Goleman’s five essential components. We will then talk about one of the most effective ways to get started with building greater emotional intelligence–meditation, or any kind of mindfulness practice.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence can go by many names, but at its core, it is the human capacity to understand and recognize emotions of ourselves and others to manage decisions well and achieve goals.
And, while emotional intelligence (also known as EQ and EI) is arguably not an “intelligence” in the strictest definitions by some psychologists and academics, it’s importance has substantial merit. Let’s survey the five components of EI and how they affect your personal and professional lives.
To better understand EI, we can look to the “mixed model” Dr. Goleman details in Emotional Intelligence for the fundamental components–self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills, empathy, and motivation.
Five Components of Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness
You can consider self-awareness the foundation of EI. Simply, self-awareness is your ability to know when your feelings are appropriate. Self-awareness includes the skills of effective monitoring of the feelings you are having, so that you can properly name it. The benefits of self-awareness are subtle but powerful, such as knowing the difference between how you feel and how you behave based on those feelings, and greater positive faculties and emotions (like, humor, confidence, and reading others’ perceptions of you).
Self-Regulation
Once you know how you feel, you can more aptly manage how you respond to those emotions. Dr. Goleman calls the most extreme forms of emotional reactions as “emotional hijacking,” and causes us to act in ways that we later regret. In this way, self-regulation is the second component of EI and with training, you are able to express your emotions appropriately, manage emotions distinct from your actions based on those emotions, and take responsibility for how such emotions affect you and others.
Social Skills
As you become more self-aware and learn to self-regulate your emotional landscape, the next natural pathway to greater EI is developing strong social skills. People with greater EI have the ability to navigate social settings and manage those social engagements well. Some of the social skills that you need to develop for high EI are verbal communication skills (which includes active listening), nonverbal communication skills (e.g., body language), leadership, and persuasiveness.
Empathy
The fourth component of emotional intelligence is understanding the emotions of others and ultimately responding effectually to the emotional well-being of the other person. Much of building empathy is about power dynamics. If you are the more powerful person in a situation, it’s important to demonstrate strong levels of empathy to those less powerful. And, when someone more powerful than you is exhibiting strong, negative emotions how to logically respond and not emotionally react.
Motivation
Finally, but not least, the component of motivation completes the EI model. Motivation can be understood as the psychological reasoning a thought converts to action. Dr. Goleman and many others focus on the importance of intrinsic motivation over extrinsic motivation to increasing EI. You won’t do anything unless you’re motivated to do it. And so, you must understand your intrinsic motivations to push you over the starting line consistently in furthering your goals.
Building Emotional Intelligence: Start with Meditation
Understanding emotional intelligence is great, but now you need to take action. The road to improved EI is long and can include many challenges. It’s best to start “sharpening the saw,” as Dr. Stephen Covey called it, with an activity that is concrete and increases your resilience. I believe, and so does Dr. Goleman, that the best place to start is with mindfulness practice, such as meditation. It’s the only scientifically-validated tool yet discovered to increase focus, among positive, stress- and anxiety-reducing benefits.
As I have discussed before, it’s easy to start a meditation practice. If you need some group camaraderie and accountability, join us for Mindfulness Mondays every 2nd and 4th Monday of the month. Better focus will start you on your road to exceedingly more emotional intelligence, and for that, your future self will thank you.